Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
