Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
