Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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