my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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