lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
