Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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