Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
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What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
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I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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