hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Randomize
