he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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