My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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