Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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