Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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