he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
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Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
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I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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