Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
