...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
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