Dude my mom stole all your condoms
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
