woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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