I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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