I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
