Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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