I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
