I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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