Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
