My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
