She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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