life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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