He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
He is an equal opportunity slut.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
