Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
