new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Randomize
