If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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