Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
