Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
