How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
