wakey wakey hands off snakey
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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