i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
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Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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