I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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