So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
someone owes me an orgasm
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
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