thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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