I'm going to jail i love you
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
