As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
