Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
