Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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