I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
