onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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