Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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