I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
