Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Randomize
