It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
