he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
