I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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