So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Randomize
