Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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