so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Randomize
