I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
