I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
