and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
