Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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