I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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