I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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