Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
