I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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