I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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