You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
It's blow job season.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
