Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
