It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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