I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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