I wanna passion pit in your ass
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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