Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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