[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
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I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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