If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
