Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
