so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
