So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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