can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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