I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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