You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
