he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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