Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i think i have two assholes
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Semen is not good for contacts.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
