i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
